Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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