id be glad to
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
