the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
