I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
