The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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