how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
