i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
