woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize