Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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