oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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