Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
