Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
