are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
