Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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