oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
