Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
