i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
