I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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