you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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