Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
