I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
