hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
