I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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