Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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