I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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