Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
