Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
