my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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