Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
