Who wears a wallet chain?!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
