I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
