i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
