Just mADE A PArabola og urine
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
