I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Houston, we have a blender
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
