So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
