just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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