i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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