Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
