Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is wine microwaveable?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
