I will die if light touches me.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
