Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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