you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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