Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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