we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
