Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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