Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
