So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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