she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
