Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
did i walk over a car last night?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
