Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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