Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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