guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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