I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize