He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
