3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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