I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
