My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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