I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
