Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
