Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
