..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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