from now on my penis is your penis
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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