i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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