this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
