Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
