It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
