Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
