On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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