it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
