Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
