I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
