so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
