Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
