Jerry, you need to find god
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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