i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
