Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
